


I’m sorry

by AnnieJ



Category: NCT
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, broken relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 00:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14759162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieJ/pseuds/AnnieJ
Summary: Donghyuck is 21 years old.Sleeping peacefully on his bed, until someone knocks his front door at 2 AM, waking up his drunk self.It’s Mark Lee, the first person who ever broke his heart.





	I’m sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy and i didn’t proofread because i’m still hungover.

Its 2 AM when Donghyuck wakes up from someone’s banging his front door. He doesn’t like this scenario at all. 

He’s barely sober, even his shirt still reeks alcohol. He curses Jaemin again for making him go to the stupid bar to celebrate his 21st birthday. He could legally drink alcohol now but he’s starting to think that maybe it’s not really his thing after all.

Donghyuck still got his body plastered to his bed and he doesn’t even think of getting up. Still, the noise doesn’t stop and Donghyuck is really really trying to sleep it away but it is so damn loud, he’s sure that he’s going to fight this person who clearly doesn’t know the concept of time and personal space.

He forces himself to get up and manages to slip himself on the snacks he’s sure his drunk self was eating last night. Donghyuck curses out loud, kinda hoping that the stupid person will hear it, stop knocking and just _leave_.

Donghyuck could still hear the noise though, so he opens the door, ready to slap a person on the face but his eyes just goes wide at the sight in front of him.

There’s Mark Lee, in his oversized sweater, brown coat, with confused eyes, unreadable expression, messy hair. He’s standing in front of Donghyuck, looking really scared.  
—Donghyuck almost reached out to hold his hands. Almost.

But it’s Mark Lee. The first guy ever to broke his heart.

Donghyuck keeps his hands down. Gripping it too tight.

Mark’s body relaxes a bit at the sight of the younger boy, yet he still looks scared, like he just found what he’s looking for yet too afraid to touch it.

He reaches out to hold Donghyuck’s hand and the younger boy flinches. This is the first time in years where Mark touched him first. His hand is still cold like it was in highschool.  
He looks so _terrified_ , he’s 17 again.  
“Hyuck, this is going to be weird but can I come in, just for a sec?”

Donghyuck blinks once, twice.

-

The air is thick between them. Mark never said a thing since he got inside Donghyuck’s place. He stayed seated on Donghyuck’s couch, his eyes on his trembling hands.

Its been a while and Donghyuck can’t help but to stare at Mark, him with long limbs and messy brown hair. The prettiest boy he could ever laid his eyes on, even after he broke his heart like Donghyuck doesn’t have one. Even after 4 years.

For a moment, Donghyuck keeps on tracing Mark’s skin and the way his sweat drips from his jawline to the coat he’s wearing. He just keeps on staring, trying to forget, yet remembering—until the older boy puts his head up and stares at him.

Donghyuck holds his breath like he just got caught doing something terribly wrong.  
Maybe he did.

The silence stays for a bit too long.

“So...I’m sorry for just barging in” Mark says, cutting the tension between them, but his eyes never linger on Donghyuck for too long.

Donghyuck wants to say that _it’s okay_.

Somehow.

But he supposed that it’s not the right words to say to a guy who left his 17 years-old-self alone in a parking lot after his love confession.

He’s supposed to say a line like _what the fuck are you doing here?_.  
It’s more normal, more like him, and less like his old self.

Yet Donghyuck can’t help himself but to worry. About this boy who could be the stars if the universe lets him, about him and him and him and it has always been him, why does it has to be him?

Mark smiles a little, like a reminder to Donghyuck that he’s okay. Maybe Donghyuck lets his face falls, maybe he lets his guard down a little. Maybe Mark could see his cover and then he’ll try to tear him open again.

Donghyuck really really hopes that he doesn’t.

They keep staring at each other, longer than the last time, until Mark’s lowers down to look at Donghyuck’s lips and Donghyuck shivers, just a little though. 

The moon couldn’t even catch it.

His body knows him best after 21 years. He’s not going to fall again this time.

But Mark could still see it even in between the secrets Donghyuck tries so hard to keep.  
“It’s your birthday. It was, i’m late, sorry. But still, happy birthday Hyuck”  
And Donghyuck must’ve looked so confused because Mark goes still again and he moves his hands like he’s trying to explain something,  
“I’m sorry, it’s weird.. its just.. I want to see you. And i want to say happy birthday. I’m sorry. But I promised you something years ago. But i don’t even know if you’d still remember it..”  
Mark stops to see Donghyuck’s face.

Donghyuck remembers. He’s sure that Mark knows too. He just doesn’t forget about those things.

But Donghyuck just wants to laugh,  
Even now, Mark’s still so selfish.

There’s no reply from Donghyuck so Mark takes a blue box out from his left pocket. His fingers trembling.  
Donghyuck doesn’t know if he wants to see the inside of it.

When Mark tries to speak again, Donghyuck stops him.  
“Mark, thank you for coming. But just—please just leave.”  
Donghyuck wants to sound like he’s grown up, his 21 year old self, all grown up from his feelings for Mark too. But his voice falls in the end and he just ends up sounding _so young_ , like he’s 17 again, bruised knees, hearts so big yet broken to tiny little pieces.

Mark looks like he’s sorry. He probably is.  
Nobody would ever love him like Donghyuck did anyway.

The rain has started pouring and the sound is creeping into Donghyuck’s place, surrounding them both like they’re back at the diner’s parking lot again. Like it’s July of 2018 again.  
Like it’s time for Mark to shatter Donghyuck’s heart again.

Donghyuck wants to leave first, to make him feel what he felt 4 years ago. But he doesn’t have the heart to. His heart has always been too big anyway. Too big for his small and thin body. Too big for the world. Too big for a stupid boy to just crush it.

And Mark looks like he’s 18 again. His skin turns red like it always did back then when their skin is touching. His brown hair is longer, fluffier. His lips are pink, softer, more kissable.  
Donghyuck remembers the last time he touched it.  
Now it just looks like someone else’s.

Mark speaks again, still stuttering the words out,  
“I said it back then.. I promised to marry you when you turn 21.”

It fucking hurts so Donghyuck closes his eyes. Hoping the rain would drown the sound of Mark’s voice because it sounds like pity to him. Like he’s sorry. Like he knows that Donghyuck is still waiting. Like he’s going to leave again.

He’s still so damn selfish.

The rain stops after Donghyuck counts to 30. Donghyuck chuckles, because It only takes 30 seconds for the universe to mock him like this.

When he opens his eyes, Mark is staring at him with the same expression he got 4 years ago. His heart is too big for this.

It looks a lot like _I’m sorry. I love you. But I can’t. And I shouldn’t._

Mark puts the little box on the coffee table in front of Donghyuck. He puts it down slowly, almost like he’s trying to remember the moment, almost like he knows that it’ll be the last thing he will ever give to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck doesn’t want to open the box, yet he reaches out to pick it up anyway.  
His heart is too big, too fucking big.

He opens the box carefully and he could hear it again.  
His heart. His big heart. Broken pieces.

 _Fuck,_ Donghyuck curses inside.  
_It hurts worse the second time._

It’s a ring. Gold, like he always wanted it to be. The ring’s beautiful, but it looks a hell lot more like good bye to him.

Mark’s hands are shivering. There are tears now falling to his coat. Donghyuck wants to wipe it away.  
Even now, Donghyuck’s still, so very in love.

“Hyuck. I’m getting married soon.”  
Mark says between the tears. He sounds so fragile. Yet _selfish_. They’re both 17 again. Yes and not exactly. Donghyuck’s still so in love.

“I’m sorry. I can’t. I have to marry.. a girl. I cant marry a boy. And i found her. And she’s so beautiful. But she’s not you. And you know—no, we both know that i love you, i have always. always loved you. So i came here first, to give you this, to propose to you, to let you reject me like i did 4 years ago, so please—please say no.”

Donghyuck’s heart is too big, too fucking big.

He smiles at Mark like he always did back then, remembering the exact two words that Mark said to him 4 years ago. Words that still haunts him.

But not anymore. After this. Not anymore.

He could taste the saltiness from his own tears.

“I’m sorry.”

-

Donghyuck’s 21 years old.  
His heart is too, too big

Mark leaves soon after, a last fond smile is painted on his face.

He held Donghyuck’s hand before he left, for a bit too long. Like he’s trying to remember it.

Donghyuck’s trying to forget.

The sky starts raining again at exactly 26 seconds after Mark shuts the door.

It’s 3.04 AM.  
Donghyuck is 21 years old.

His heart, is exactly at where it’s supposed to be.

Here, and not with him instead.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed it! thankyou!xx


End file.
